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there a reason i can no longer view more than one page of entries on this site? (talking about my friends page).. no more link to "previous entries" :/

(no subject)
hello. i'm still alive. on facebook ;)http://www.facebook.com/jfacile

our first E.P is almost out, you can preview the songs here...
all feedback is appreciated..

for storage (and b/c i finally finished it and set it to music)
it was thanksgiving night a year ago today
when the tiny dancer left and gave it all away
cried my heart out that night and then chose to let it go
took it as a gift and ran into the unknown

took out my revenge on the dancer who broke my nose
by sleeping with her friends and other girls she knows
but it never really worked b/c i'm not the type
to talk about the girls that took me in at night

rebounded around with the model from my past
thought she could be amazing if she ever came back
but one day after she kissed me like before
she got on a plane and i didn't see her anymore

chased a leprechaun around some clubs and bars
we made a lot of rumors but it never went far
i still grin when i remember the time i kissed her hard
behind a closed door while her date waited in the car

spent a lot of time with a girl in her teens
funny enough she became a great friend to me
still feel a bit sad that i could never be
the boy that could give her everything she needs

tank girl, miss bacall, cheekbones came and went
i still miss their kiss at times i must admit
so much promise unfulfilled but i suppose that's how it goes
when the ring that they wore was not my own

so now i think i'm falling hard for this girl i used to know
who gave me chicken pox on a night so long ago
one beautiful halloween full of promised fantasies
she's running from conclusions towards this new dream

and here its a year later from the day it fell apart
and looking back i'm thankful for the phoenix in my heart
a testament to survival and the return of melody
a hymn to the resurrection of a forgotten dream

a life, undone
as time, marches on
like a funeral song
for our love

there's the nail where you hung me on your wall
when i was still your brightest star
was i cool, was i clever, was i beautiful?
before a love tarnished left your heart oh so cruel

do you miss our sex, do you miss our talks?
are you happy now your finally done?
can you hear the sound of this symphony
can you still hear my voice when i raise it to sing?

I remember your eyes as I watched you fall
when we tried to love in spite of it all
I wish you well, still can't believe your gone
but I guess I'm glad I'm glad we've both moved on

so here's one more kiss, one last song
take it with you, it won't last long
a tearful goodbye with such dry eyes
a funeral song for another life

and one last blog about videos..
weird posting this three places..lol

actually livejournal does crappy html embeding so.. linky


get a free mp3 if you sign up to our email list!

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alone in our bed
you leave our room to go to her
you lay your head down in her lap
she runs her hands through your hair
while I cry alone in our bed

She tells you that it'll be ok
and tries to kiss all your perfect pain away
as I'm just left here putting pen to paper
crying here alone in our bed

I'm glad you have someone to hold you
but I wish your arms where around me
these silent tears are met with sighs
when I cry alone, in our bed

even the kindest ones can turn a blind eye
the ones who love you will ignore your cries
they'll ask for your love while walking out the door
and the most beautiful always knock you to the floor

I don't see how I can compete
with a woman like her, so selfless and sweet
and if what you need is her constant care
how can there be room for us to share?

I thought you might like to know
that I don't know how much longer I
can cry alone..
be here with nothing left
there's no one here, nobodies tears
in our bed.

'cos even the kindest ones can turn a blind eye
the ones who love you will ignore your cries
they'll ask for your love while walking out the door
and the most beautiful always knock you to the floor

~october 22nd 2009 v.j. facile

in conclusion
your actions have forced me to remove you. remember, i brought you into this circle. You chose your side, made your choices, so I now cast you out of it. BARRA

so talking about conditioned responses, pavlovs experiments, higher order conditioning in my psych class...

makes me think about the past.

i think of thanksgiving four almost five years ago. my wife (sabrina) was taking a nap on my lap as i watched a movie at my parents house after thanksgiving dinner. She was sweet, always nice to my family, cuddly and loving that day. I look back wondering what would have happened if I started a good talk about our relationship that day.

But that night we got into some stupid fight that made really no sense about really stupid shit.. and she declared "i want a divorce!!" and left with her friend.

And never came back.

Now thats all well and good over a lifetime, it turned out to be a really good thing, and eventually led to a lot of personal growth and eventually finding Emily and entering into the best relationship I ever had.

but those memories still bring tears.. (or at least a wetness to my eyes)

is it merely a conditioned response to a person who gives nurturance abandoning me or taking away that nurturance?

being my history and what I went through with my parents.. it certainly seems connected.

yet with every self discovery the mystery just deepens it seems.

~v.j. facile

a new song demo

lyrics by emily bein, music and singing by jonathan facile